The Economics of St. Louis Sports
Tony Romano

You still need a concluding paragraph.  Body six is too close to what a conclusion should be, so you'd do better just to send me another body.

St. Louis has a sport for all seasons. The fall [has] football and the St. Louis Rams.  The winter has Hockey [lower case] and the St. Louis Blues.  The spring will hopefully have a St. Louis Basketball team, and the summer has Baseball with the St. Louis Cardinals.  [don't list all of your associated ideas in the intro paragraph--give me the background history on sports in the St. Louis area--how did we move from being the gateway to western expansion to being one of the greatest sports towns in the Midwest?  what was the first sports team that came to St. Louis?  how long has it stayed?  how was room made for other teams?  that sort of thing--save these associated ideas for your body paragraphs] All these teams help the fans have lots of spirit, [insert a semicolon] the area workers have jobs and the business owners make money.  [strengthen this thesis--give me a strong, central point that these body paragraphs can modify and support--do you want to pursue the economic impact of sports in St. Louis?]



Through the fall season the St. Louis Rams have created a fever with there [their] race to the Super Bowl.  Fans have gone crazy at the games and all over town. Jobs are being created as business owners higher [hire] more people to sell there [their] products.  The fans are buying everything Rams related to show there [their] spirit[s].  This is creating Revenue [lower case] for business owners and St. Louis. [develop this paragraph by telling me exactly what you mean by all of this--in what sense have the fans gone crazy at the games and all over town, for instance?  what sort of fever was created by that race to the Super Bowl?  give me some numbers on merchandising of Rams' materials this year in comparison with previous years while they were losing--is such merchandising admirable considering the motive behind it, i.e. that the Rams won the Super Bowl this year?] [strengthen this closure--why is this idea of the Rams' success important to the thesis?]

The winter goes crazy with hockey fans cheering for the St. Louis Blues.  The St. Louis Blues are gearing up the fans for another race. [meaning what?] That is the race for the Stanley Cup [insert a comma here] which means fans are shopping for Blues items to wear to cheer there [their] team own [on, not own].  Which [This, not Which] makes for business owners and workers [makes what for them?  if you want to pursue the economic aspect of sports in St. Louis, feel free, but give me more information on it--how much revenue have they generated?  you can find this out by calling the stadium or looking it up online, just like you can with all these other teams you talk about in this paper]. [bring closure by telling me why the this idea is important to the thesis]

The spring season is lacking a basketball team right now. [to what extent to the SLU Billikens fill that role?]  But [try not to being a sentence with 'but'--use "The owners of Walmart, however, are..."] the owners of Walmart are looking to purchase a team to come to St. Louis.  [isn't also the owner of the Blues?  what are each groups visions for a basketball St. Louis team? how would its arrival impact us economically?  how much would it cost us to build a new basketball stadium, and how long would it take us to offset that cost with revenues earned from ticket sales and taxes on concessions and memorabilia? do we have any experience with a basketball team right now?] Which [This, not Which] will keep our fan spirit going. [how so?  develop that idea--then, bring closure to the paper by telling me how this idea of a basketball team helps to support the thesis]

The summer season has baseball and the St. Louis Cardinals. We all know how [actually, don't assume your readers knowledge--develop this idea--describe it for me] fans "go crazy" for the team and Mark McGwire. [why Mark McGwire in particular?  what has been his contribution to baseball in St. Louis?  what was the contribution of the team before we acquired McGwire?  of all the sports teams we have, the Cardinals have been with us the longest--what kind of image do we have of the Cardinals as a result of that?] The fans look foward [forward] to broken records and history in the books. [in what sense?] [bring closure by telling me the importance this idea of the Cardinals has to the thesis]

So you [lose the second person] see St. Louis is a very supportive and loyal town to it's [its, not it's] sport teams.  They bring joy and frustration [what's the value of frustration?] to the fans and also alot [a lot is two words] of revenue to the bussiness [businesses] and city.  [this material should be moved to your conclusion--develop it another five or six sentences, though, and focus it on the impact of this issue of economic development through sports on St. Louis society, then bring closure by telling me why the thesis is important--so far, then, you're missing two body paragraphs--what is left for you to talk about having already hit four of the sports?  what about other sports in the St. Louis area, maybe those that are not municipally sponsored?]

Now if St. Louis did aquire a basketball team I believe the increased revenue for the city would be staggering. There are so many basketball fans in St. Louis that the season would be sold out after the first two games. Except the only way that would happen is if we acyually had a decent team. If we didn't then most of the fans would just go back to the other sports. I think that the people of St. Louis are so happy now with the teams that we have set ourself up to be disappointed with them in the future and any new team(s) tha come to the city.

The Rams this year alone brought so much money to the city it's unbelievable. In the next few years,(if the Rams continue to do great), the money will keep rolling in. People will be coming from all around just to see them play. I think that St. Louis is going to boom in population within the next few years just because of our sports teams. It might even happen because of the Rams alone.

Conclusion