The meaning of a true royal [loyal, not royal] fan is to be there for their [pronoun/antecedent disagreement--fan/their] team in good times and in the bad times. [don't repeat your thesis in the opening line of body 1--make a point that can modify your thesis--introduce the idea of loyalty--explain in this paragraph what it is] The Rams might be hot stuff now, but there were times when people hung their heads in the sheer mentioning of then team [the team?]. The real reason the Rams are so great and powerful now is because of their true fans who constantly supported them and always cheered them on. [if that's the case, why did it take five years?  last season, they were considered a joke, but this season they're not--the fans' attitudes couldn't have changed until they started to win] The royal [loyal?] fans went to the games when the tickets didn’t [avoid contractions--did not] cost that much, and the tickets were sometimes even placed under people’s windshields to catch their attention. [by whom?  who was trying to bolster fan support?  the true fans, or the Rams' organization?] They [clarify your pronoun] were there to give their support and to show the team that they were there for them; in good times, or in bad. [reword this sentiment--you want to avoid sounding redundant with your thesis--emphasize it, but don't repeat it verbatim] The fans were there to take them from zeros to heroes. The Rams, for the first time in the history of the team, are going to the Superbowl with the support of those same fans that were there when the Rams lost every single game they played. [good, bring closure, though, by telling me why this idea of loyalty is important to the thesis]

It might sound crazy, but there are people who live for the victory. They will dream about it, talk about it, and even pray to god [God is a proper name] that the Rams will take home the gold. It’s [It is] strange how fans can become so involved and so obsessed with the game that all their free time will be spent watching the victories, reading about the victories, and reliving the moment of the Rams['] victories. Then, of course, after the Rams win they will celebrate and take the deserved time to do what makes them feel good. [how important were these individuals in bringing about that victory, though?--if rooting for the team increases team morale, then do those who rooted deserve to share in the victory if they are only fair-weather fans?  what if they are diehard fans? does even that entitle them to the same claims of victory as the players themselves] Some fans will get drunk; other[s] will just go and collect the money that they placed with other people [insert a period] [bring closure by telling me why this idea of fanaticism over the victory is important to the thesis]

If you [lose the second person] were to call yourself [lose the second person] a fan, you [lose the second person] would have to know the true meaning of the word. [introduce that meaning in the first sentence--introduce this idea of fair-weather fans, actually--let this paragraph be about that] You [lose the second person] can not [cannot is one word, not two] cheer the team on in their [use team as a collective noun--team on in its] time of success and then turn your [lose the second person] back on them [replace them with 'that team'] when they fail, [lose the comma] by cheering on the other team. You [lose the second person] can not [cannot] buy a Rams['] sweatshirt and then [an] opposing team’s shirt and expect to wear them at the same time. You [lose the second person] have to be able to pick one team you [lose the second person] respect and stick with them [it, not them]. Do [lose the second person imperative] not be a fake fan, [replace the comma with a semicolon] be [lose the second person imperative] a real fan and support the team at all times. The Rams deserve all the love and attention they get, so don’t [do not] hate the players hate the game. [eh?  hate the game in general, or the one game in particular in which the players didn't score so highly?  isn't there much to be learned from failure?  how can you hate a particular game if mistakes were made from which much could be learned?  bring closure by telling me how this idea of fair-weather fans is important to the thesis]

It’s [It is] not cheap to be a really good fan [strengthen this intro sentence by clarifying the idea of merchandising and memorabilia--what are those things?]. Rams jerseys, sweatshirts, T-shirts, hats, flags, and what[-]not costs money. Now how do [lose 'do'] these fans afford to buy all these things remain[s] an unsolved mystery to me. [develop this idea--you should have no mysteries in your paragraphs] There are so many cars with Rams flags flying, and just as many people who wear Rams coats and put up balloons in front of their homes with Rams symbols and colors on them. [what's the importance of this memorabilia to the idea of being a fan?  what does it do for the fan and for the image he or she is trying to portray?] These fans will take off one day and won’t [will not] return until they find what there [they, not there] are looking for, and a victory is what is in sight for them. [clarify this last sentence--take off where? for what?  bring closure by telling me the significance of merchandising to the thesis]

Many times you [lose the second person] can see your [lose the second person] friends talk about the teams, ask questions and pretend like it means a lot to them. [introduce this idea of pretense--what is it that makes some people feel like they need to impress others with their knowledge of sports when they know very little about the subject?] When it comes to real life they never watch the games, and they do not even know the player’s [put the apostrophe outside the 's,' not inside, players'] names. There couldn’t [could not] be any good reason for people to act that way. You [lose the second person] need to be who you [lose the second person] really are and not who people expect you [lose the second person] to be. [try to explain the logic that seems to go through the minds of intermittent fans--these are the types of fans who know a little about all the sports, usually something they heard on the radio driving in to work, and fake conversations with their colleagues during every sports season] Fans that [who] put on an act can’t [cannot] be called fans at all, because they’re [they are] not. [what are they, then?] You [lose the second person] have to dedicate your [lose the second person] love, [replace the comma with a 'if one wants'] to be a fan with true feelings. [good, but why is pretense important to the thesis--what's it show about the pretender?  that sports really is important and that he has no other way of fitting in than to feign interest in something about which he cares nothing--which merely emphasizes exactly how important the idea of sports is?]

[The] Rams can get all the support they need when they’re [they are] playing in St. Louis, but when they are outside of St. Louis they need the support of their fans to come with them. [in what sense?  you mean, traveling?  bring in the Melon Heads who have traveled around with the Rams since the team left LA in 95--in what way do those guys qualify under your definition of a true fan? how about those who cannot travel to every game but stay at home every Sunday to watch them on television?  is there a difference between these types?] For example [insert a comma] at the Superbowl the Rams did win, but they had the support of their fans who followed them. [what about those who watched them on television from St. Louis and met them at the parade downtown upon their return?] Not everyone can do it, but the fans with the time and money will do it. It’s [it is] not just to be there when they win, but also when they lose. [develop this idea of supporting the losing team--ultimately, do we shirk our support because we don't care to identify ourselves with losers while we have no qualms about identifying ourselves with winners?--what you're saying here is that we identify so strongly with a team when it wins because we are able to experience that victory vicariously through the players--but when it loses, we want no share in that sorrow because it reflects badly on us] We should love the Rams more than ever now because they just won the Superbowl [insert a comma here] and it was a long way for them. [is that the only reason?  doesn't loving them because they've come a long way contradict your premise that they should be loved even if they lose every game of a season?  bring closure--how does this idea of literally following a team help support your thesis?]

I hope we all understand now how important it is to be a true fan. True fans give confidence to their team, give them power, open the doors that were locked for a long time. We love this team and our team returns that love by winning and showing us how much we mean to them [it, not them]. The victory was sweet and the fans are now shooting fireworks, screaming, honking their horns and celebrating. it [capitalize] is a moment worth all all [lose one of these 'all's] the worries [insert a comma here] sweat and [lose the 'and'] hard breath[s] and fast heartbeat[s], [lose the comma] of both the team and the fans. The fans that [who] stuck through the good and the bad, through happy and sad, through painfull [painful] and joyfull [joyful] moments, were paid off in the outcome. We all got our happy ending to the story. [so, ultimately, those whose faith never crumbles will ultimately be rewarded in the end?  bring closure by expressing that sentiment more clearly]