Many fans get involved in showing there [their] spirit when it comes to there [their] favorite teams.  They go into a great deal of expressing there [their] feelings by making different signs and poster or banners that might say encouraging words.  Also they paint there [their] faces or body with the teams colors.  They buy the big finger that say[s] number one or little pom poms [pom pons] to wave as the team scores points.  The wave is one of the most popular things people tend do in the stadium when everyone is all pumped up.  [why is that?  how do waves get started?  why do people follow through with them?] The fans also makes [subject/verb agreement--fans/make up] up songs as they start singing them, sometimes [they may do, not maybe do] maybe do a dance or clap there [their] hands.  The best thing about the fans are when they go to extreme measures to catch a fast ball that may have been fouled or hit into the stands.  This is how fans put there [their] time and energy into beening [being, not beening] a true fan. [sure it is, but tell me why this idea of team spirit is important to the thesis]

Commericals [Commercials] are a key role when it comes to the sports fans. [link these two sentences by replacing the period with a comma and lower casing 'especially'] Especially when it's [it is] time for the Superbowl Game.  Some people just watch the game to see the commericals. [commercials] [why?  what's so different about the commercials during the Super Bowl?] They [Businesses, not they] know that the fans are looking at there [their] commerica. [commercials]   When it [the commercials are] is aired before billions of people watching to see all the adversting [advertising, lose products] products [insert a comma] people will go out and buy there [their] products. [you mean, people will buy products they see advertised during the Super Bowl with greater excitement than those they see advertised during other program times?  why is that?  specifically, focus on the commercials that were aired during this Super Bowl--did the fact that St. Louis was in the game have any effect on advertising in St. Louis?  research that a bit.  Then, bring closure to this paragraph by telling me the importance of advertising to the thesis]

When you [lose the second person] go to a sports game. [link these two sentences--the first starts with a subordinating conjunction and then ends without finishing the thought] You [lose the second person] are surrounded by sports fans and all you [lose the second person] see is [are, not is--all is one of those indefinite pronouns that can be singular or plural depending on what it's modifying, in this case, people] people wearing hats, T[t]-shirts, and sweaters with there [their] favorite teams logo on it.  I think that it's [it is] pretty cool when the[y] paint there [their] face[s] with a picture of there [their] maskcot [mascot] on it.  I can't [cannot] believe people will stand in long lines at the store to buy all these different kinds of clothing just because [of their, not the] the love [for] there [their] home or favorite team.  I think it gets real crazy when the teams are playing for the Championship or the World Series and [or, not and] even the Super Bowl.  Fans are going bananas over jersey's [lose the apostrophe], hats, shirtss [shirts], sweaters, and e.c.t. [lose the ,and e.c.t., it's redundant--et cetera stands for 'and other things' and you've got it following an 'and'--also, the abbreviation is etc., not e.c.t.--generally, never use it because it sets up an incomplete list] Then when there [they--who?] are all sold out or they don't [do not] have any in there [their--whose?] size.  [link these two sentences] They [who?] tend to get very upset and have to wait until the new order comes in or they ship in the new supply.  This is a showing a great deal of decatation [dedication] when beening [being] a sports fan who really cares about there [their--pronoun/antecedent disagreement--a sports fan/his or her] team. [awkward syntax--reword this to show me the importance this idea of materialism and merchandising has to the thesis]

No matter what the problem is [insert a comma] the fans are always there to show there [their] support. [link these two sentences] Especially when a team member is hurt and injured during a play on the field.  As they [who?  avoid vague pronouns] check to see what has happen[ed] and if he's [he is] going to be alright.  [link these two sentences] There is a moment of slience [silence] as they pick the player up and ride him [like a horse?  clarify] out.  [do fans exhibit this behavior even for members of the other team?] The fans stand to there [their] feet and began [begin] to shout and start clapping [for what are they shouting?].  [give me a transition between showing support for an injured player and being there during times of inclement weather--something stronger than "also"] Also [insert a comma] it doesn't [does not] matter what type of weather we have.  The fans are still coming whether it's [it is] raining, sleet[ing], or snow[ing].  They will be there standing and cheering and waving there [their] hands until the game is completely over.  If there are [were, not are] no fans [insert a comma] there wouldn't [would not] be any moral support.  So the fans make it there [their] duty to be there [drop 'there'] right by there [their] teams side to give them that extra edge and support that they need. 

[introduce the idea of buying tickets before going into this illustration of that idea--wouldn't true fans have season tickets and thereby avoid having to wait in line?] The date is set for the game to be played.  Everyone wants tickets [insert a comma] but there is [only] a certain amount that can be purchased.  The lines are long [insert a comma] basically going around the corner.  Some people even camp out all night long [insert a comma] bringing there [their] sleeping bags and everything.    If that doen't [does not] work then you [lose the second person] have a lottery drawing your [lose the second person] number may get picked then again it may not [insert a semicolon] it's up to you [lose the second person--how is it up to you if your lottery number gets picked?] .  It doesn't [does not] matter if thet [they--who?] can't [cannot] get tickets.  They will watch from home or through a party and invite lots of people as if they were at the game. [won't there still be a measure of disappointment?  bring closure to this idea by telling me how this commitment to purchasing tickets is important to the thesis] 

[introduce the idea of this post-game intensity before going into this illustration of that idea] We are down to the final seconds[:] 5,4,3,2,1 [and] that [is] it.  Down comes subject/verb disagreement--down come the...] the balloons and the confetti, [replace your comma with a semicolon] the corks are poped [popped] open as it [champagne, not it] splashes on each team member.  All you [lose the second person] can see is the joy on there [their] smiling faces.  The fans are yelling and screaming as the[y] rush to the field with happiness, excitment [excitement] feeled [lose 'feeled'--it's not a word, and it doesn't fit here--you mean filling? or filled?  either way, you don't need it] in there [their] hearts.  [security lets the fans rush the field?  rethink that] The lights are deemed [dimmed] and in the air the fireworks are shooting.  Fans are happy people [who cry, not are crying] are crying as victory is won.  History has just  been made. [are you describing the Super Bowl here?  if so, bring closure by telling me how the victory at the Super Bowl is important to the thesis]

If you [lose the second person] are a sports fan you [lose the second person] can see why attending a sporting event can be very exciting.  There is a lot of spirit and efford [effort that is put] into supporting your [lose the second person] favorite teams.  So [lose 'so'] in doing so [insert a comma] people use a lot of energy and decatation [dedication] to supporting there [their] team members.  [link these two sentences] Even if it means standing in along lines to buy tickets or waiting for a new shipment of clothing to come in.  [delete that--you don't want to summarize all your points in your concluding paragraph--that's redundant--bring closure by telling me the impact this issue has on St. Louis society]  I think that society tends to encourage the fans in supporting there [their teams, not there times] times.  If there wasn't [were not] any help and support for the team by the fans. [link these two sentences] Then the teams might not have made it has far as they have. The fans are were [where] it's [it is] at.  They help the team become a better team because there [they, not there] working together. [who?  the fans and the team?]