The Rams' Relations With Their Fans In St. Louis
Faisal Merghelani

REVISION: When the Rams relocated to St. Louis in 1995 from Los Angeles, involvement with the community was one of the team's top priorities. Ever since then the Rams have worked for better relations in the St. Louis community with programs, projects and special events that focus on children, adults and the issues that affect them as fans. With the players as a focal point of the community relations outreach effort, many organizations have benefited from the time and resources of these athletes. Each year, players make countless appearances at local schools, hospitals, malls and youth centers to get closer to their fans. Giving back to the community will continue to be a top priority of the St. Louis Rams as players, coaches and staff work together to score touchdowns for St. Louis both on and off the field.

When the Rams first came St. Louis in 1995, they were greeted with happiness. St. Louis finally got a football team back. The Rams have worked since to satisfy their fans’ every need. The Rams did not do a good job their first couple years from the point of winning games. They started out with a nice amount of losses, which made the fans worry, those fans being the fans that only love them when they win unlike the true die hard fans that stick with their team through the thick and thin. We saw these fans ever since the Rams were in Los Angeles, or from when they arrived in St. Louis. The St. Louis community loves their football team. Most of the Rams fans have loved their team from the start. The Rams made a big impact on St. Louis. They made the community love the game football and support their own local team. St. Louis will live on supporting and loving their new team, now that the Rams are heading to the Super Bowl. St. Louis football supporters now have something to look forward to.

Over the years, the Rams have created a special relationship with their fans; there is a give and take relationship between them. The Rams play football for their fans. The fans support the Rams so that they play better football. The fans support has had a big impact on how they play. If the fans do not support their team then the teams will not play well.  Also, if the team plays poorly, it will lose its fans. The Rams supporters help the team out in many ways, like moral support, financial support and other types of support. Just the fans being in the stadium helps the team play better. So if the fans help their team then their team will help them. This all leads to a happier Rams and an even happier group of fans, making the team play better and cause a better relationship between the Rams and their fans.

Team moral plays a big part in sports. Moral effects how a team plays and how well they play. For example, the stadium is packed, the crowd screams joyfully. Everyone is waving their flags and signs, wearing their team's colors. The team scores again and the crowd goes wild. This all gives the team a reason to play better. The fans support their team to raise morale. Fans help by showing up for games, buying their collectables, sending donations to their funds, and just watching them on TV. The Rams play a better game knowing that the people are behind them, knowing that their fans are there for them. A football team would not even exist if no one watched it or supported it. Without fans buying tickets, or watching games from home, the team could not play. The team needs its fans. The fans help the players play and make it able for them to play. The fans give so much to their team without even knowing it. The team knows and feels the importance of their fans, which is why it tries its best to give back to its fans. The players know that they would be nothing without them. That is why the relations between The St. Louis Rams and their fans is so strong. The Rams make their fans happy and the fans help their team to win, with the teams moral high they will play a better game for St. Louis.

The St. Louis Rams are dedicated to serving youth primarily in the areas of education, health and recreation.  A child sits in front of his family's television, watching the big game with his dad, wearing his favorite player's number, dreaming that he could be just like him. The child loves Kurt Warner and wears this number as he goes to finally meet him. The Rams are at a pep rally, the mall, and the local youth center meeting their little fans. Nothing makes The St. Louis Rams happier than seeing a smile on a child's face. When a small supporter meets and talks to the team it makes him love that team more. The Rams love meeting all the little kids; they love talking, playing, signing autographs and just messing around with them. This is all a future base of support. The Rams do their best to put smiles on faces to formalize the Rams commitment to the St. Louis community and their children. The children are the bases of sports supporters. If a child learns to love a team then he or she will grow up loving and supporting that team.

One of the Rams many programs is The Greater St. Louis Quarterback Club. Leo Militello founded it in 1960. This club started with the Cardinals then we lost them and got the Rams. In 1987, the Cardinals moved to Phoenix AZ, a dark day for STL football fans! The QB Club persisted in the dream that St. Louis would eventually get a new team.  And we did! Club membership has grown into the thousands and new members come on board daily. So far, there are members in 13 states and four countries! The QB Club works to promote professional football here and in a number of non-profit ventures through both the Greater St. Louis Quarterback Club and The St. Louis Rams Foundation. It supports efforts and organizations that inspire positive change in the greater St. Louis area with an emphasis on youth. The Foundation is a separate non-profit arm of the Rams' community outreach program honoring the team's commitment to the St. Louis region. They help kids of all ages by teaching them, setting up meetings with players and other events.

The Super Bowl is where only the best of the best in the football world meet up. This year St. Louis got on top. In Atlanta on a Sunday The St. Louis Rams met The Tennessee Titans in Super Bowl XXXVI. The stadium was packed with wild Ram and Titan's fans. St. Louis was in the lead for most of the game. In the last quarter, the game became tied. The St. Louis Rams made their play and touchdown! The Rams won the Super Bowl! The crowd went wild. The Rams fans were jumping and screaming for joy. St. Louis’s team had taken them to the Super Bowl and had won it. The players, coaches, management and fans were all happy. In downtown St. Louis, people were jumping in the streets. There were lines of cars blowing their horns, fans running around in blue and gold. Everyone was happy. St. Louis will be recognized for years for winning the Super Bowl. The St. Louis Rams will be remembered in all their fans’ hearts all over the world. St. Louis has been put back on the map with this win. This will create more fans both from and outside of St. Louis.

The Rams came in 1995 and won their fans’ trust; they did their best to become loved. The Rams played hard both on and off the field. They put smiles on faces. The players, coaches and staff did their best to strengthen their relationship with St. Louis. They met their fans young and old. They helped children recover from their sicknesses. They helped kids learn how to read and play ball. Most of all, they put the city of St. Louis back on the map by winning The Super Bowl. The Rams have set a good example of the importance of a team’s relationship with its fans. The Rams have helped other teams realize that importance. We as fans have shown how much we care and how much we love our team. The relationship between The Rams and their fans will stay strong. If we keep on helping them then they we keep helping us. In the end The Rams won more than just The Super Bowl, they won St. Louis’s faith and trust in their team.

When the rams [capitalize] relocated to St. Louis in 1995 from Los Angeles, involvement with the community was one of the team's top priorities. Ever since then the Rams have worked for better relations in the St. Louis community with programs, projects and special events that focus on children, adults and the issues that affect them as fans. With the players as a focal point of the community relations outreach effort, many organizations have benefited from the time and resources of these athletes. Each year, players make countless appearances at local schools, hospitals, malls and youth centers to get closer to their fans. Giving back to the community will continue to be a top priority of The [lower case] St. Louis Rams as players, coaches and staff work together to score touchdowns for St. Louis both on and off the field. [that is a really excellent introductory paragraph, Faisal...nice work]

When The [lower case] Rams first came St. Louis in 1995, they were greeted with happiness. St. Louis finally got a football team back. [when had we lost one?  wasn't there a lot of contention over the cost of bringing the Rams from LA?] The Rams have worked since to satisfy their fans['] every need. The Rams did not do a good job their first couple years from the winning games point. [from the point of winning games] They started out with a nice amount of losses, which made the fans worry. Those fans being the untrue Rams fans that only love them when they win [fragment--awkward syntax, reword]. Unlike the true die hard fans that stick with their team through the thick and thin [another fragment--you might try combining these two previous sentences into one sentence--in either case, you need a main verb]. We saw these fans ever since the Rams were in Los Angeles, or from when they arrived in St. Louis. [strengthen this point--you mean the Melon Heads--are you saying that they traveled from LA to give their team support during its first several seasons in St. Louis?  how many?  how often?] The St. Louis community loves their football team [how long did it take the team to earn this love in the face of all its initial losses?]. Most of the Rams fans have loved their team from the start. The Rams made a big impact on St. Louis. They made the community love the game football and support their own local team. St. Louis will live on supporting and loving their new team, now that The [lower case] Rams are heading to The [lower case] Super Bowl. St. Louis football supporters now have something to look forward to. [you might want to reword this in light of the recent Super Bowl victory--did our victory there, you think create more true fans out of the otherwise marginal supporters?  fans like the Melon Heads, who would follow the Rams out of St. Louis should they ever be moved to another city?]

Over the years, The [lower case] Rams have created a special relationship with their fans; there is a give and take relationship between them. The Rams play football for their fans. The fans support The [lower case] Rams so that they play better football. The fans support has a big impact on how they play. If the fans don't [avoid contractions] support their team then the teams well [will] not play well. [how far does this reciprocal relationship go?  after all, St. Louis considered the Rams a joke last year, and this year the Rams won the Super Bowl--according to your theory, the Rams should have gotten worse without widespread fan support...how would you respond to that?] Also [insert a comma here] if the team plays poorly [insert a comma here] they [it, not they--team is being used as a collective noun in this sense] will lose their [its] fans. The Rams supporters help the team out in many ways [you may insert a comma here] like, [lose the comma here] moral support, financial support and other types [never end a list incompletely]. Just the fans being in the stadium helps the team play better. So if the fans help their team then their team will help them. This all leads to a happier Rams and an even more happy fans [an even happier group of fans, you mean], making the team play better and cause a better relationship between the Rams and their fans.

[introduce this idea of team morale, then jump into your narrative] The stadium is packed, the crowd screams joyfully. Everyone is waving their flags and signs, wearing their team's colors. The team scores again and the crowd goes wild. This all gives the team a reason to play better. The fans support their team to raise morale. Fans help just [delete this 'just'] by showing up for games, buying their collectables, sending donations to their funds, and just watching them on TV. The Rams play a better game knowing that [add 'the'] people are there [lose 'there'] behind them, knowing that their fans are there for them. A football team would not even exist if no one watched them [it, not them] or supported them [it, not them--only use the plural when you're talking about the team working as individuals and not as a collective unit]. Without fans buying tickets, or watching games from home [insert a comma here] the team could not play. The team needs their [its, not their] fans. The fans help them [change them to 'the players' and it's okay] play and make it able for them to play. The fans give so much to their team without even knowing it. The team knows and feels the importance of their fans, which is why they try [it tries its] their best to give back to their [its] fans. They [The players, not they] know that they would be nothing without them. That is why the relations between The St. Louis Rams and their fans is so strong. The Rams make their fans happy and the fans help their team to win. [bring closure just by telling me the importance of the team's morale to the thesis--otherwise, you risk bringing closure the same way every time] 

[again, you have to frame every narrative within the point that it is illustrating-- here, introduce the idea of the value of children to the world of sports--what is it?] A child sits in front of his family's television, watching the big game with his dad, wearing his favorite player's number, dreaming that he could be just like him. The child loves Kurt Warner and wears this number as he goes to finally meet him. The Rams are at a pep rally, the mall, and the local youth center meeting their little fans. Nothing makes The St. Louis Rams happier than seeing a smile on a child's face. When a small supporter meets and talks to the team it makes him love that team more. The Rams love meeting all the little kids; they love talking, playing, signing autographs and just messing around with them. [why?  what's in it for the team?  a future base of support?] The Rams do their best to put smiles on faces.  The St. Louis Rams [are] dedicated to serving youth primarily in the areas of education, health and recreation [give me a couple of examples of the type of work they do in these areas--actually, move this sentence up to the first sentence of the paragraph and start with that]. To formalize the Rams commitment to the St. Louis community and their children. [fragment, connect this sentence to the previous one]  [Bring closure by telling me why this idea of formalizing their commitment in this way is important to the thesis]

One of The [lower case] Rams many programs is The Greater St. Louis Quarterback Club. Leo Militello founded it in 1960 [explain the Rams' connection to this club--it was founded 35 years before the Rams came to St. Louis] . In 1987 [insert a comma here] the Cardinals moved to Phoenix AZ, a dark day for STL football fans! The QB Club persisted in the dream that St. Louis would eventually get a new team. [is that the connection?  was it the QB Club that lobbied for the Rams to move to St. Louis?] And we did! Club membership has grown into the thousands and new members come on board daily. So far, there are members in 13 states and four countries! The QB Club works to promote professional football here and in a number of non-profit ventures through [both] the Greater St. Louis Quarterback Club, Also [lose the comma and the also--replace it with an 'and'] The St. Louis Rams Foundation. It supports efforts and organizations that inspire positive change in the greater St. Louis area with an emphasis on youth. [for example?  make certain that you don't trip over the material of the previous paragraph in developing your examples--the difference in these two paragraphs is that the previous one dealt with the Rams as individuals and as a team helping kids--this paragraph should deal with the Foundation's helping kids] The Foundation is a separate non-profit arm of the Rams' community outreach program formalizing the team's commitment to the St. Louis region. [try not to end two paragraphs in a row in the same way--i.e. formalizing the team's...reword it]

[introduce the idea of the Super Bowl--what did that game mean to St. Louis?  Had such a thing ever happened before?] In Atlanta on a Sunday The St. Louis Rams met The Tennessee Titans in Super Bowl XXXVI. The stadium was packed with wild Ram and Titan's fans. St. Louis was in the lead for most of the game. In the last quarter [insert a comma here] the game became tied. The St. Louis Rams make [keep it in past tense] their play and touchdown! The Rams win [past tense] the Super Bowl! The crowd goes [went, not goes] wild. The Rams fans are [past tense] jumping and screaming for joy. St. Louis’s team has took [had taken] them to the Super Bowl and [had] won it. The players, coaches, management and fans are [were] all happy. In downtown St. Louis, people [were] jumping in the streets. There are [were] lines of cars blowing their horns, fans running around in blue and gold. Everyone is [was] happy. St. Louis will be recognized for years for wining [winning] the Super Bowl. The St. Louis Rams will be remembered in all their fans['] harts [hearts] all over the world. [bring closure, what is the significance of that victory, aside from being remembered in the fans' hearts?]

The Rams came in 1995 and won their fans['] harts [hearts]; they did their best to become loved [don't repeat the conclusion of your last paragraph verbatim to open this one]. The Rams played hard both on and off the field. They put smiles on faces. The players, coaches and staff did their best to strengthen their relationship with St. Louis. They met their fans young and old. They helped children recover from their sicknesses. They helped kids learn how to read and play ball. Most of all, they put the city of St. Louis back on the map by winning The Super Bowl. The Rams have set a good example of the importance of a team’s relationship with their [its] fans. The Rams have helped other teams realize that importance. We as fans have showed [have shown] how much we care and how much we love our team. The relationship between The Rams and their fans will stay strong. If we keep on helping them then they we keep helping us. In the end The Rams won more than just The Super Bowl, they won St. Louis’s faith and trust in their team. [good]