Pollution: Our Responsibility
Jim Williams
Develop this intro along the lines of man's struggle against pollution. Give me a brief background on when and how pollution first became perceived as a problem for us. Then, rework that thesis so that it isn't subordinant to its associated ideas. You want to make a strong point that you can prove, or argue. As this is a position paper, you'll want to tell me where you think we ought to be and how you think we should go about getting there.
Give me an example of an oil spill and the measures taken to clean it up. Careful of fragments. What causes pollution in the Mississippi? Strengthen the transition between that river and the oil spills in the ocean. Bring closure by telling me the significance of this idea of water pollution on the thesis. How does this idea help you prove that thesis?
Give me a transition out of your previous paragraph and into this one. When did these airborne pollutants begin to be a significant problem? Develop some of the reaction we've had against this problem. Bring closure--never end on a subpoint--how is this idea of acid rain important to the thesis?
Explain what hazardous wastes do to the environment. Things like gas evaporate into the air, but those other things you call wastes, like paint and stains, are things we purposely apply to walls and outside furniture. How can we be more responsible in their application? The only thing you've mentioned that is actually thrown away is old oil, and we've already got guidelines on oil disposal. Are not enough people who change their own oil disposing of it properly? Bring closure--why is this idea important to the thesis?
You might switch this paragraph with the one previous to it because your transition out of acid rain might be more clearly drawn than a transition out of hazardous waste. You need to strengthen all of your transitions, both the internal and the external ones. How is air quality determined? What measures can be taken to ensure better air quality? Bring closure by telling me the significance of this idea to the thesis.
Give me a transition out of the paragraph concerning hazardous wastes. If cars are so bad, why do we continue to use them? Are there alternatives in the making? The number of people in the world isn't exactly countless. There's 6 billion. Do all 6 billion have cars? Which country is most responsible for auto manufacturing? Is it a problem one country can fix through greater legislation? greater invention? How so? bring closure to this idea by telling me its significance to the thesis.
What have the CFC's been replaced with? How rigid are the controls on their recovery to keep them from being dumped back into the atmosphere? How is this idea important to the thesis?
Open this paragraph by reintroducing the thesis, not by summarizing all of your associated ideas. Strengthen the impact this issue of pollution has had on our society. Bring closure by telling me why the thesis is important.