Pollution
Andrea Weiss
Introduction
Misspelled words: pollution, environment, harmful, chemicals, breathe,
factories, off, rays, ripped, happening, accross, and entire.
This background would be better written by giving me a history of how it is that
we've come to pollute our environment--if you want to prove that it's pollution
that causing natural disasters like El Nino and La Nina, for instance, then you
should show me in this intro how that pollution has become a global problem.
Body_1
Misspelled words: without, our, sources, were, scubadiving, find, probably,
stuff, harmful, chemicals, released, animals, bathe, drink, and means.
They have to filter all the water we drink anyway, Andrea--most of what we drink
is recycled waste water from the water treatment plant. Who is it exactly who is
responsible for all this dumping? Are they holding themselves accountable for
their actions? Develop this along those
lines.
Body_2
Never begin a sentence with a quote. Quotes are evidence, which means they have
to have something to support. Give me your own idea, and then give me a quote to
follow it up. Follow all quotes with why you think that quote is important to
the idea it supports. Develop the origins of
acid rain here. Where does it come from? Who's responsible for it.
Body_3
Here, you switch from environmental problems, water and air, to their causes. To
maintain uniformity, all your associated ideas should be of the same type. If
your paper is going to talk about effects, be consistent, and insert into those
paragraphs about effects the various causes that
might be at play here. Likewise, if your paper deals entirely with causes, i.e.
cars, industry, etc., stay consistent and have all of the examples be causes,
integrating into each of those examples various effects. But don't have a couple
of paragraphs on cause and a couple on effect. It throws your paper off balance.
Body_4
This is good. We're back to effects--develop your ideas on this. Don't get lazy
and say, "Hey, check out the website." That's not an effective use of
your paragraph. Develop this along the lines of what ozone damage means to us.
Body_5
How related to the ozone is smog? You want to avoid making this a subpoint of
the previous associated idea. If that's the case, include it inside the
paragraph on the ozone. Each of these body paragraphs should be independent of
one another enough to be able to stand alone as complete thoughts that each
support the thesis.
Body_6
How much of a pollutant is fire smoke? Develop this idea along those lines.
Conclusion
Develop this idea of the Clean Air Act. In what sense is this the impact that
pollution has on our society? Have we been making stronger efforts in the past
decade or so to ensure the better quality of our environment? In what sense?