In 1997 and 1998, The St. Louis Project of 2004 [website?] was pulled together by the voices of people across the St. Louis region.  The volunteers helped decide want [what, not want] St.  Louis needs for the future.  There were 1,200 volunteers who pulled their heads together.  They developed over 100 ideas to make St. Louis better in the year 2004.  One of those ideas is to make the neighborhoods of St. Louis [is there a website for just this project?] a better [better in what sense?] community.  There is a total of nine neighborhoods doing the revisions.   Each neighborhood is setting short and long term goals.  There will be more neighborhoods added in the years ahead.  [so, these initial neighborhoods are pilot programs?] The revision of the St. Louis neighborhoods will be a complete success by the year 2004. [will it really be?  or is that just their goal for these initial 9 neighborhoods?  what are the chances they're projecting for success rates within the next four years?  what do they consider a success?]

The initial nine neighborhoods were decided on a number of different criteria focused on neighborhoods [lose the s] needs.  The criteria included five areas.  The first being the history of organizing and engaging residents.  The second demonstrated capacity to develop comprehensive neighborhood plans.  The third [verb?] number of households of low to moderate income.  The fourth [verb?] potential in at least one of the following development strategies: rehabilitation, maintenance, and redevelopment.  The fifth [verb?] existing assets in the eleven Sustainable Neighborhood [web address?] goal areas.  Some of the Sustainable Neighborhood goals are children, youth, and families are safe [is this a project goal? 'families are safe' or 'families are safe in their neighborhood'? if its that many words, you might clarify it with apostrophes] in their neighborhood.  Schools are ready to teach, and children are ready to learn while they are in school. [are these further goals?--develop this paragraph a bit by telling me a bit about each goal and how difficult each will be to reach] Residents have access to safe, effective transportation, quality health care, affordable housing, and a healthy living. [are these further goals?] The Sustainable Neighborhood Committee would like to meet all of these goals by the deadline the year 2004.[sure they would--how likely do they view their chances to be?]



The majority of the financial funds are coming from several different institutions, eighteen to be exact.  The total funds equal $751 million in loans and investments. These funds are up-front commitments to businesses, institutions, and residents in the selected neighborhoods.  These eighteen banks will be there to support them during the revitalization process.  The funds will be used for a variety of loan and investment products such as home mortgage, repair loans, construction, multi-family housing, lines of credit, and retail development.  [add-among the top supporters are] Some of the participating institutions are Allegiant Bank $30M, Commerce Bank $75M, Fannie Mae $75M, Mercantile Bank $150M, Nations Bank $150M, and Southwest Bank of St. Louis $65M.  There are several others not mentioned. [irrelevant--delete] Each institution will offer products in response to specific financial opportunities based on neighborhood plans.  The Regional Housing and Community Development Alliance (RHCDA) [website address?] will help match the needs of residents and businesses with the financial institutions' offerings. [bring closure--what's the importance of a large amount of outside funding to the completion of this project--does the city's revenue fall short of being able to meet the needs of its citizens?  why is that?]

The neighborhoods were identified by the Sustainable Neighborhoods Initiative Committee [website address].   The Committee includes neighborhood leaders and representatives of many community organizations and agencies such as Area Resources for Community and Human Services[website address], Urban League[website address], Paraquad[website address], Missouri Department of Social Services[website address], universities, OASIS[website address], and others.   The Committee has chosen nine neighborhoods for the renovation.  [which neighborhoods?  do the citizens there have any qualms about their neighborhoods being voted the top nine worst in St. Louis?] The neighborhoods were chosen by the appearance of the neighborhood, the money in the community, population, race [clarify--are they fulfilling an affirmative action quota here?   did they want to ensure themselves equal time with blacks, whites, and hispanics?   are neighborhoods divided along racial lines? etc.], adults with diplomas, and household income.  [develop each of these factors a bit--how did each play into the decision made?] After deciding the problems, they decided to pick the top nine and do the renovations to each nine of the neighborhoods [what criteria did they use to determine the top nine? what are the top nine?].  They want the complete[redundant-delete] renovation completed by the year 2004. [strengthen this closure--what's the significance of identifying these top target neighborhoods to the thesis?  focus on the pilot aspect of the program? if it works there, it can work anywhere]

The project 2004 is to make the St. Louis area a better place to live.  The committee wants all renovations to be completed by the year 2004.  [redundant--you've repeated this once or twice already--delete] Once the year [2004] approaches, we need to keep up with the renovations that were completed.  [you mean there will be additional maintenance charges and efforts--so, is it an ongoing, never-ending process?  who will be responsible for maintenance?   the people who live there, or the volunteer organizations who don't?   shouldn't part of the program involve itself with educating the people to take care of their own nieghborhoods?] Everybody who is putting work and money into this project wants it to be a success and to keep it a success.   The neighborhoods that are being renovated need to stay in a good condition.  [don't reword the same sentiment over and over--develop those sentiments into either new ideas, or analyses of their strengths and weaknesses] After this project is completed, they need the owner's [lose the apostrophe] of the houses in the neighborhood to keep up the neighborhood.  [here it is--with what will they provide the owners to ensure that this is done?  money, vocational training?  won't the owners counter with the fact that the streets and the thoroughfares are the responsibility of the city and of the tax dollars that they themselves pay?] They need to make the houses look presentable. [to whom?]  In order to do this, house owner's [lose the apostrophe] need to cut their lawn[s] regularly, fix anything that needs to be done to the house, and to pick up any trash or anything that does not belong outside. [how is it possible to enforce aesthetic appreciation?  isn't that something that has to come from the people themselves?  if they had a mind to that sort of thing, it wouldn't be an issue--the fact that it is an issue means that it is not something they'd normally invest their time in--how will this program convince them to do that?] They only way this will be a success is if everyone pitches in to help the neighborhoods look their best. [why is this idea of an aesthetically pleasing neighborhood important to the thesis?]

There are many things that other people can do to help [clarify others--you mean, those who do not live in the neighborhoods?].  The majority of the work is [being done by?] the people who live in the neighborhoods, but they can also use other help [what's the incentive for their doing so?  why would someone feel the desire to pick up trash in someone else's neighborhood when the trash probably came from the people who live there].  Neighbors who are walking on the sidewalk can pick up any trash that they see is laying on the ground. [more importantly, there can be citizen watch groups to help snag litterers and fine them for throwing things on the ground] The banks can always feel free [can they, now?  what's their motivation for doing so?  if they donate 150M, for instance, only to find that its use didn't help, why would they continue donating?  what do they have in it?] to keep donating their money into these neighborhoods as well as other neighborhoods who are not part of the nine renovated neighborhoods.  If everyone pitches in to help, then this project will be a success.[redundant--delete]  In the future, the committee would like to expand the original nine neighborhoods into several more neighborhoods who [that] also need the renovations.  The project 2004 will be a success if everyone in the neighborhoods keep up with the new renovations.[strengthen your closure here, keeping up was really an idea of the last paragraph--here, you mean to focus on "others," not on those living in the neighborhoods--tell me the importance of others getting involved in neighborhoods that aren't their own--how does that help them to generate a feeling of greater community?]

[you need a new associated idea, as this paragraph is largely concluding information]

The St. Louis Project is an excellent project for the St. Louis area.  The main reason for doing this project is to make St. Louis a better place.  The committees are trying their best to make St. Louis look its best.  The St. Louis Project would not be a success if it was not for the banks that provided the money to make this happen, and the many people who volunteered their time.  This project will be a success because of  the hundreds of people who made this possible. The neighborhoods that are being renovated should be grateful to all the people and all the money invested into this wonderful project.  They plan on continuing the different renovation after the year 2004.  So, hopefully, one day St. Louis would look spectacular.  This will result is more tourists coming to see St. Louis and they will say all wonderful things about the city of St. Louis. [this is really your concluding paragraph--move it to the end and focus more on the impact of this project on the St. Louis area--you might incorporate whatever is in the next paragraph that's not redundant with this one]



The St. Louis Project of 2004 is going to be a success.  The renovations of  the nine neighborhoods are also going to be a success.  The success
should be credited to the people who made it possible. This project will make St. Louis a better place to live. There is no deadline for the next set of
neighborhoods to be renovation as of now.  This was an excellent project and will be a success.  The neighborhoods should owe a special thanks to the
generous banks who donated their money.  It would not be a complete success without the money given from the banks.  By 2004 St. Louis will look better and will be a better place to live. [replace this paragraph with the paragraph above--delete any redundant info and take what's not redundant and incorporate it into the new conclusion]