St. Louis 2004's Safe places [is there a website for this that I can hyperlink the name to?  capitalize 'Places' if that's a name of an organization] for kids has one purpose: to ensure that every child in St. Louis has the opportunities to experience safe places that contribute to positive character and development in their neighborhoods, schools and other surroundings. [is this their mission statement?  if so, give them credit for it by pointing out who wrote it] Many neighborhoods already have some safe kids services. The Rearing and Nurturing Children and Youth Effectively Task Force [is there a website for this?] developed a proposal than [that, not than] became the starting ground for this program. [what is the proposal?] The task [capitalize Task] Force set up a few objectives that they would like to see some increase in. [they want to see an increase in objectives? or an increase in the response to a particular issue?  awkward syntax--clarify] Some [this isn't 'some', this is 'one'] included the increase in the number of safe places created for children and youth in the area. Others [this isn't others, this is 'another'] talked about the increase in the number of staff and volunteers who will receive training to work at the safe places. [I need a thesis statement here, Jeff--what do you intend to prove in this paper?  on what particular aspect of Safe Places do you intend to focus?  give me an idea the rest of the paper can support]

[never start a paragraph with a quote--quotes are generally evidence, which means they have to have an idea to support] "In 1998 we said more kids will have safe places in their neighborhoods to go after school, on weekends and in the summer..." [where is this quote from?  is it from the Safe Places website? the St. Louis 2004 website?  if so, give credit where it is due...] St[insert a period after St.--it's an abbreviation for Saint] Louis 2004 has been working with a non-profit organization [which one?  Safe Places?  move this information to the introductory paragraph--focus here on a particular platform that Safe Places is trying to advance--what's one of its goals, for instance] to develop an effective out of school time network that covers all children in a neighborhood all the time. As well as [in addition to, not as well as] this non-profit organization [insert a comma] community churches, schools and agencies are currently partners in this effort to protect the St.Louis youth. [in what way?  are they working in conjunction with Safe Places?  if so, then that could be the focus of this body paragraph--how Safe Places is getting the support of local organizations to help its mission--if not, then the fact is irrelevant and can be deleted.] Safe places for kids is desperately trying to improve the capacity to meet children’s needs by providing assistance and training to our youth. [this could be the intro sentence for this paragraph...move it to the top and bring closure to this paper by telling me why this is important]

Safe places will offer exciting activities and will be [will be?   so, is it not already a fully functioning organization?] staffed by well-trained people. The first phase of the plan is to develop three safe places demonstrating communities in 1998 [you see, this is where you have to deviate from the text that you're obviously shamelessly copying--I'm willing to bet you're working from a source that was written in 1998 or before--directly copying from a source is called plagiarism--you don't want to do that--instead, absorb the material concerning your idea and explain it to me in your own words] and three in 1999. [leave off copying directly from your source for a moment and think about the fact that 1999 is almost over--that means that these places must already be functioning--tell me if there are only six of them still or if more have opened since your source was printed] At these locations kids will be [change to present tense--are these things currently being done as promised?] exposed to leadership, highly trained staff and volunteers [redundant--you mentioned this in the intro sentence], resources, and commitment to children’s out of school time. [again, put it in your own words...it reads like a billboard advertisement] By working together through 2004, youth service providers and volunteers have developed a handbook for creating a safe place for kids to guide the demo areas and other efforts throught [throughout] the area. [move this sentence and all these questions down to the paragraph on the handbook--how does the handbook work?  what information does it give?  this paragraph should focus on the activities offered--what kind are there?   are they free?  who pays for them? for the equipment?  develop it by answering things like that] Community churches, schools, and agencies currently offering after school programs will be partners in this effort. [you mentioned this in your previous paragraph--delete it and develop that concept in the earlier paragraph] [bring closure to this idea by telling me the importance of keeping kids involved in sponsored activities rather than letting them run loose in the streets]

With the support of the Danforth Foundation [do you have a hyperlink to that site?] safe kids proposed the development of safe place demonstration areas. [how many of these areas are in a particular city neighborhood?  one? a dozen?] The purpose of these areas is to provide an expanded and strengthened system within which the community is collaborating. [how so?  does it fund them?  if so, how much does it give? develop this idea] Expanding the resources will help all children access affordable and appropriate opportunities during non-school time. The demo areas will build on existing programs and will develop networks to fill gaps in services where they are needed and will void duplication. [clarify what you mean by this, void duplication--you mean that it will not duplicate services already being offered by other community organizations?  if that's so, then what kinds of activities will it endorse? keep it focused on demo areas--what exactly is a demonstration area?   bring closure by telling me why these things are important]

The gaps [which gaps?  the ones from the previous paragraph?   introduce this idea by inverting the sentence--tell me what missing or limited youth service is--what does that mean?  does it mean that an essential service that should be provided is not being provided, or does it mean that a non-essential service that was just thought of by a social worker is not being provided?]  represent missing or limited service to youth in certain areas. The best way to learn more about the gaps is through true grass roots involvement.[which means what? walking door to door and polling citizens?  setting up phone banks?  clarify specifically how this organization is doing this] The group is working with known experts to engage the community to identify gaps and work together to define and provide the services that will create great benefit to the youth and children of the neighborhood. The group is also proposing and improved training opportunities in this area for youth workers to focus on providing youth with social skills, vocational interest and civic responsibility. [is this a result of the grass roots program, or part of it?] Currently people are not required to have training to be a youth assistant. [people/a youth assistant--disagreement with your subject and its complement] Some places require and provide training only for their specific purposes or programs. [some Safe Places, you mean? or places like kindercare, etc., bring closure by telling me how this idea of missing or limited service is important to the thesis]

The safe places for kids work group has already written a community-planning guide that is free of charge and ready for distribution through out the area. [haven't you already mentioned this idea in a different paragraph?  grab the sentence from the 2nd body paragraph and move it down here, bring with it all those questions] The handbook shares guidelines based [guidelines based?] elements that research has shown to be effective in promotion [promoting] positive development in youth. These elements include: exposure to caring, competent adults of good character;  high standards and expectations for children and youth; countless opportunities to experience, learn, and develop confidence in personal, social, educational, and recreational activities. [give proper credit to the originator of this source] All of the above [don't subordinate your concluding sentence to its associated ideas--bring closure by telling me why the idea of this handbook is important to the thesis] are to be considered community norms and must be available with consistency over time.

Safe places has also proposed increased and improved training opportunities for program staff and volunteers. At present, there are few training opportunities in the area for youth workers that focus on providing young people with social skills, vocational interest and responsibility. Currently, a person wanting to work with children in St Louis is not required to have any ongoing training. Some companies require and provide training only for their specific purposes or programs. [what is the point of comparing other companies to this one?  how much does this training cost?  is it elective?  can a person opt out?  who ultimately ends up paying for whatever costs are incurred?  you never mentioned where the organization gets its funding] A program called “train the trainers” will allow efficient use of the group[insert an apostrophe]s resources and widen the impact of training. The main goal of this is to support the development of experienced, knowledgeable and creative staff. [good, but why is the support of that development important to the thesis?  when you talk support,what are we getting in return? a sharper organization that can more readily adapt to serve the needs of its community?   end it like that]

No matter where you go in life most of the time kids are not safe unless they are supervised. Unfortunately [insert a comma] there are parts of St. Louis where kids are always at risk of being hurt. Safe places for kids [capitalize 'Kids'] are [is, not are] a group who[that, not who] is against violent neighborhoods, schools, and parks. One of the group’s main goals is to ensure that every child in this region will experience opportunities in safe places that contribute to positive character and competency development in their neighborhoods, schools and other settings. [avoid being redundant by repeating what this organization will do or is doing--tell me the impact of its doing this on St. Louis society--what do we expect to gain by it?] This group is a great influence for St Louis. Kids of today are the adults of tomorrow, giving them safe places to learn and grow smarter will ensure that kids have safe and happy future. [good closure--if you pulled it off a pamphlet or off the web, then you need to cite it--ideally, you need to put it in your own words--too much of this paper sounds like it was copied verbatim--fix that]