In our world today there are many forms of gang violence [don't be general about it--focus on what's happening in St. Louis--introduce the fact that there is violence on our own streets].   The children, young adults, and grown adults all contribute to this.  In the last several years [insert a comma] the gang violence and corruption has grown immensely.  [how so?  give me some background on that] The teenagers have resulted [resorted] to fighting [and] killing each other when the littlest [littlest?  avoid colloquialisms] problem is unable to be solved.  For St. Louis 2004 [insert a comma] many action plans have been formed to try to decrease the gang violence among our youth of today.  Certain programs such as Target 100 and Cease-Fire have been initiated to help our community.  If our community will stand together against gang violence, we can win out in the fight for St. Louis 2004 fight [you have too many 'fights' in here, lose this one] against youth gang violence [replace 'youth gang violence' with 'it'].  The gang violence in today’s society needs to dramatically decrease due to the fact that if one[insert an apostrophe]s child maybe does not smile right at someone they [pronoun/antecedent disagreement--child/they] could be killed for that.  [you might develop this intro paragraph a bit to give me a bit of background concerning gang violence in St. Louis--when was it first a problem?  in what form did it manifest itself?  that sort of thing]

In our society today, drugs are a very popular.  Teenagers and adults are becoming more and more involved with them every day.  They [who? the teenagers and adults or the drugs?--clarify your pronoun reference] may start at marijuana but [that] almost always does that lead [replace 'does that lead' with 'leads'] to other [lose other] harsher substances.  In the St. Louis 2004 project, they [who?] are hoping to make a major change in the way the people use these illegal substances.   The recognition of users is so high that [this second clause doesn't really follow the first one--clarify] one can buy drugs from almost any place.   If our city pulls together to stop the abuse of drugs[insert a comma] then the violence would also decrease in that there would not be as much gang violence. [you're saying that gangs exist because of drugs?  clarify--it doesn't take drugs to make a gang, does it?] Drugs and other substances create a barrier between families as well as friends.  The number of drug related deaths is almost uncountable.  If we all work together, the drug problem can probably be lessened.[work together doing what?  holding hands and singing kumbayya?  develop this paragraph a bit--what is the action plan that Target 100 and Cease Fire have developed?  how specifically are we to combat the drug problem?   first off, really how big is the drug problem?]

The criminal activity that is evolved [has evolved over] in the last number [how many?] of years had [has, not had] gone from fighting with fists to shooting with guns. [you're talking about the last 2,000 years or the last fifty?]  The availability of weapons to the youth of St. Louis is almost as easy as our daily routines. [your comparison is awkward--clarify what you mean]  The youth are taking all types of weapons to school on a daily basis [do you have proof of this?  how often does it really happen?  in what schools, usually?] to use as[insert a comma] they say[insert a comma] protection. [from whom?]  The way that guns and other weapons are used in our society is very suprising[spelling].  Instead of dealing with the real issue[s] that are at hand, people will jump right into shooting a fellow friend or neighbor over even the simplest disagreement.  [eh?  how often does that happen?  if I follow you correctly, you mean to write that it is as usual an event as breathing--give me some proof] Though many laws have been put into effect to stop the sale of weapons to minors and unlicensed users, one is able to buy a gun from many different people on the streets.  The St. Louis 2004 project is trying to reduce the availability of these weapons.  If successful, the rate of violence will hopefully decrease. [bring closure--what's the significance of a heightened level of criminal activity to St. Louis' plan for improvement?  doesn't that run counter to the plan?  how did it get this way?]

Throughout St. Louis, there are many different types of violence.  [consolidate these two sentences into one intro sentence that introduces the idea of violence in about half the words--what distinguishes this idea from the one that precedes it?  you might have two body paragraphs talking about the same thing--draw the distinction here] The growing number of gangs contributes to this number.  The most evident types of violence are fighting and destruction of property.  The fighting between citizens is increasing everyday.  [again, I need proof--I just don't see it--you mean gun battles in the streets?  or a friendly mauling on the way to the Riverfront?] Citizens fighting over the smallest issue can lead to hospitalization and maybe even death.  The number of gangs in our society has also lead to the increase of violence. [lose this sentence, it's redundant with the second sentence in the paragraph]  The war between gangs creates an immeasurable density of violence.  [which gangs?  develop this paragraph by directly referring to specific gangs and specific turfs--you're all over the place in vagueness here] The beating, killing, and destruction are to the point that St. Louisians are scared to walk out of their house without being harmed. [in which areas?] If we can work together to have peace and unity, we will all be a much happier union.  The violence in our society is growing at a very fast rate and can only be decreased if we all work together. [again, we're back to square one--doing what?  how do we work together to end violence?  aren't we working together already?  if so, why is there still violence?  obviously, there's more to it than mere working together will resolve...why is this idea of there being many types of violence important to the thesis?]

In the St. Louis area there are many types and forms of gang violence.  [ditto, link these two sentences in about half the words--distinguish this paragraph from the previous two--don't subordinate the intro sentence to its supporting ideas--make a point about types and forms of violence and then move into supporting the kinds there are] It starts with normal street fighting and then leads to shooting and even death among citizens.   The gangs that are contributing to the forms of violence teach the other member[s] of their gang[s] to do whatever is necessary to make the other gang[s] or person[s] knows that they are right at all costs.  The violence is quite out of control.  [redundant with the sentiments of previous paragraphs] The people that [who, not that] are committing the crimes need to be stopped so that more of the innocent people are not attacked.  [how ought they to be stopped?  what is Target 100 doing about it?  Cease-Fire?] If the people of Missouri would stick together we could help get the gang violence under control. [again, lame closure--tell me why this idea of types and forms is important to the thesis--focus on types and forms within the paragraph--you've got nothing in this paragraph that's really any different from what you have in the preceding paragraphs]

In the 2004 project, they [who?] are creating a number of projects to help decrease the amount of gang violence.  One of the main programs being created is called “Target 100.”   In this program[insert a comma] they [who?] are going to remove the 100 most dangerous and serious criminals in the St. Louis area.  [how?  in what way are these individuals to be identified?] In the midst of removing these criminals[insert a comma] they [who?] hope to teach the others in and around them that they are no longer going to tolerate the kind of behavior that these serious criminals are acting out. [won't that just create a new pecking order in the criminal community?  isn't it better to train the leaders of the gangs to be more socially responsible in their warfare so that innocents don't get injured?  it's easier to deal with a terrorist when one has a rapport with him than it is when one has no one with whom to negotiate] The main people involved in this organization are willing to stop at nothing to bring these 100 serious and dangerous criminals to a halt. [develop this--what are their proposals?  what is this nothing at which they will stop?]  If St. Louis works together they [who?] will be able to assure that at least 100 more of these dangerous criminals will be removed from our streets. [ditto on the closure--bring closure by telling me how Target 100 is important to the thesis--be specific--you might even want to delete this entire paragraph and just sprinkle Target 100 programs throughout each of the body paragraphs like I originally suggested when you first asked for help--then, just think of two more associated ideas--that way, you'll be able to use all the evidence you have for Target 100 to develop your above points]

Another active program that has been initiated is Cease Fire.[develop this idea of Cease Fire by introducing what it is in the first sentence of the paragraph--my advice on the last paragraph still holds for this one--delete this paragraph from the paper, replace it with a new associated idea--and use the Cease Fire platform throughout this paper]  In the developing of the program, many parole officers, clergy members, and police officers are out patrolling the inner city streets taking guns and drugs off of them. [how many have they collected?  is there an end in sight or do new drugs and guns sprout up to replace the ones that have been confiscated?] Hroughout [spelling] this program they [who?]are taking an immeasurable step to get the guns off and away from the youth of St. Louis.  This program has become quite successful.  Already over 6000 guns have been removed from our streets. [at last, a number--now, here's the litmus test--are there fewer and fewer confiscations or more and more--look at Cease Fire's stats for the last few years--are they really making a difference?]  If this program continues to go as well as it is now, our inner city streets will be healed. [that's rather optimistic of you--how is it that this program will succeed where countless others have always failed?  why is this program important to your thesis?]

The St. Louis 2004 project is an amazing project that has been continually working throughout our streets to make them a safer place to live and work.  Though many other projects have been initiated in the 2004 project, I feel the fight against drugs and gang violence is one of the most important issues that needs to be tackled.  [why?  what is the impact of this issue on St. Louis?  develop this a few lines] The violence in our society has grown out of control lately and this project has been sent to help all people feel safer when walking the streets of St. Louis.