Homelessness
Nikki White
Try not to list all of your associated ideas in your intro paragraph. Just focus on background information that brings me up to the thesis--save the points that you're going to discuss for the individual paragraphs that deal with them. Your thesis suggests that the reason we want to prevent homelessness is primarily to strengthen the economy--all of your body paragraphs should conclude with how rectification of a particular cause will give us a stronger GNP. What measures are the United Nations taking to help prevent worldwide homelessness? How much is the U. S. contributing to that effort?
Avoid contractions. Strengthen the transition within that paragraph between those who are homeless un- or under-employed and those who are overworked. The overworked angle seems forced and thrown in there and just as quickly dismissed. Does that program of the DoL provide funds for counseling. How many of the homeless are in that condition because they have broken spirits that prevent them from feeling qualified or worthy of a job? You conclude that employment is a major factor shaping one's life, but isn't unemployment also a major shaping factor? If we're defined by our jobs, we're equally defined by our lack of jobs. Homeless people discover within definitions like these a dubious sort of identity--how hard is it to get them to shake this view of themselves and start viewing themselves as responsible, employed people?
You mention drug use in the previous paragraph. Delete it from there and focus on it exclusively here. Here, you mention again that homelessness is not so much a state of being without a home, but a state of being. You might spend some more time on that in the intro paragraph as you're fleshing out the background info. How can addiction hinder one's chances of getting addictive disorder treatment? The "at least over half" sentence should be rewritten with more exact numbers. You conclude with the lead the horse to water syndrome--how, specifically, will money spent on prevention and treatment programs in the short term help the economy overall in the long term?
Of these 5-7% of the homeless who need to be institutionalized, what kinds of efforts are being made by the government to round them up and institutionalize them? What is the criteria used by the state to determine that they need such mental health services? How are they identified in the first place? When they commit a crime? are arrested for vagrancy? How many are American? Again, bring closure by showing me how the treatment of these mentally ill homeless will help improve the economy. Aren't they costing us more than they're returning?
Of these people who die from hunger every 40 seconds, how many are Americans? How many are homeless Americans? Do the summer camps Feed My People provides for children focus on giving homeless children exclusively a constructive camp experience? If so, are these kids just thrown back on the streets with their parents after two weeks? Non-perishable items include canned goods--if these are given directly to the homeless, how are they to cook them and eat them? Are they donated, instead, to soup kitchens that will prepare them for the homeless? If a homeless person shows no improvement because of any of the above-mentioned factors of drug dependency, mental illness, etc., does Feed My People just drop them?
If these runaways do not present themselves to shelters as such out of fear of the authorities, how then are they identified? Once identified, are they returned to their families? If their families are homeless, what is done with these children? Does Child Protective Services or some other agency put them up for adoption? Bring closure--how is dealing with this problem beneficial for the economy in the long run--i.e., does it try to nip future homelessness in the bud by getting potential vagabonds off the streets and into productive educational programs or job training?
Again, we get back to the issue of the homeless willing to try--if what you've said about many of them being ashamed of their conditions is true, what sort of outreach programs do organizations like V.I.S.T.A. have for identifying the homeless and providing assistance to them?
These images of the homeless you present here seem focused more around US than THEM. Are we doing this to assuage our own consciences, or are we doing this to raise them to our level so that we don't have to stoop to theirs? How selfish is our selflessness on this count? Bring closure by telling me why it is important to improve our economy through helping the homeless in particular--will that improve other aspects of the economy as these homeless start pulling their own weight?