Differences in
Language
Patrick Payne
Mr. Payne, you'll need to overhaul this significantly...it does not adequately reflect the intentions of the articles you've read. If you want to develop your analysis beyond those articles, that's fine, but don't lose sight of them, or of the points they are trying to make.
Many people speak many different languages. I went to a very multi [insert a hyphen] cultural high[high school
is two words] school w[h]ere there were many different
languages spoken. If it was your [lose the second person]
first year in that school, you [lose the second person]walked
around as though you [lose the second person]were in a
different country because you [lose the second person]had
no idea who was saying what. Even the English language sounded like a foreign
language to an outside person walking through the school. I went to Riverview
Gardens Senior Highschool, w[h]ere the race ranged from
Black, White, Asian, and Hispanic. Statistics show that the percentage of the race
in Riverview was 85% Black, 7% White, 5% Hispanic, and 3% Asian. Because the school
was located on the border of the city, a majority of the language spoken in school was
what most people call "ebonics" today. It was formally [formally, or formerly?] known as slang and changed over to the
word "ebonics" because studies show that a majority of the people speaking this
language were Black Americans [if Ebonics comes from Black English,
then was it ever really considered merely a slang?]. The word
"ebonics" means "black". [actually, it comes
from ebony and phonics, meaning black sounds] Everybody sounds different to
one person.[strengthen this thesis--what exactly is it that you can
prove using the following associated ideas?]
People tend to place others' [lose the apostrophe] in
categories of color or race. All different cultures speak differently because of w[h]ere they came from [clarify--blacks and
whites come from the same neighborhoods and they still speak differently].
For example, Black people tend to slang [can this be used as a
verb?] their words together. Is it because that's [lose
the contraction] w[h]ere they are from [where?], or because that's [lose the
contraction] the way they were taught[reword the question
into a statement that strengthens and advances your point]. Some people
believe that because most Black people in the United States originated from Africa, they
have there own certain accent. If you've [lose the contraction
and the second person] ever heard a true African today, one [of]
the peculiar things that you [lose the second person] will
notice is that he sounds nothing like an African [insert a hyphen] American
today [I'm not sure I'm following you on this one]. So
now comes the question, "Where do Black people get the language that they speak
now?" The true answer to that question has not yet been discovered, but is in
the process of being answered [based on what you've read in the
Seymour article, analyze the question yourself--answer it]. From my
experience, most of the Black people I know got there [their]
language from growing up in the city [so, all city white people
speak the same way?]. Some of them cannot even afford to go to school and is [subject/verb disagreement--some/is should be some/are] never
taught the proper way to communicate. But is it just Black people who speak in such
a non-professional, slangy way[lose the question--reword into a
statement that strengthens and advances your point]. No. Many other
people do it[insert a comma] to[o],
which brings up another question. White and Hispanic people are also known for using the
ghetto terms also. "Does one learn how to speak more on the streets and
at home, then in school.?" [never ask more questions than you
can answer--rephrase all of them into statements that answer the questions you're posing]
"[when using block
quotation format, you omit the quotation marks at the beginning and end of the block
quotes] Teachers sometimes make the situation worse with their
attitudes toward Black English.
Typically, they view the
children's speech as "bad English"
characterized by "lazy
pronunciation," "poor grammar,"
and "short, jagged words."
One result of this attitude is poor mental
health on the part
of the pupils. A child is quick to grasp
the feeling that while
school speech is "good," his own
speech is"bad," and that by
extension he himself is somehow inadequate and
without value.
Some children react to this feeling by
withdrawing; they stop
talking entirely. Others develop the
attitude to the dropout
route. (Seymour 1,2)
One person is responsible for that one person's mind. If a teacher is making you [lose the second person] feel as though you [lose
the second person] have low or no self-esteem at all, it is all up to you [lose the second person] to tell yourself [lose
the second person]that you [lose the second person]
are better than what that teacher is telling you[lose the second
person], so therefore you [lose the second person]
must prove it to everybody[eh? what's that have to do with language?
are you saying that everyone's language is intrinsically proper, and that the
standard prescriptives of society should be done away with?]. A lot of times,
it is easier said than done, but could that also relate to discipline at home[lose the question--reword into a statement that strengthens and advances
your point]. Many people judge a person by his or her background before even
getting a chance to here [hear] them.
Which language was the first language spoken? [lose the
question--reword into a statement that strengthens and advances your point]
"[when using block
quotation format, you omit the quotation marks at the beginning and end of the block
quotes] No understanding of the English language can be very satisfactory
without a notion of the history of the
language. But we shall have
to make do with just a notion. The
history of English is long and
complicated, and we can only hit the high
spots. The history of
our language begins a little after A.D. 600.
Everything before
that is pre-history, which means that we can
guess at it but can't
prove much. For a thousand years or so
before the birth of Christ
Our linguistic ancestors were savages wandering
through the forests
of northern Europe. Their language was a
part of the German branch
of the Indo-European Family."
(Roberts 1)
Certain cultures are able to say things around one another that a person from a different
culture would not be able to say in their presence. For example, a Black person can
call another Black person a "nigger", but when a person from a different culture
calls a Black person a "nigger" it is considered racial and will most likely
offend the Black person [source?]. Another example is a
Mexican can call another Mexican a "spic", but when another culture uses the
term, it usually results to violence. [bring closure--how does this
idea of mother tongue help support the thesis?]
"[when using block
quotation format, you omit the quotation marks at the beginning and end of the block
quotes] I don't agree with the argument that use of the word nigger
at this social stratum of the black community
was an internalization
of racism. The dynamics were the exact
opposite: the people in my
grandmother's living room took a word whites
used to signify
worthlessness or degradation and rendered
it impotent. Gathering
there together, they transformed nigger
to signify the varied and
complex human beings they knew themselves to
be. If the word was
to disappear totally from the mouths of even
the most liberal of
white society, no one in that room was naive
enough to believe it
would disappear from white minds. Meeting
the word head-on,
they proved it had absolutely nothing to do
with the way they were
determined to live their lives."
(Naylor 3)
Many White people walk around and think their language is the best and only language
spoken throughout the world[eh? are we still talking about English,
here?]. It may be the most common[ly] learned [what? the language of white people, or English? I believe that
there are a whole lot of white who do not speak English as their native language--the
Germans, French, Scandinavians, Italians, Russians, and the like], but is not the
only language, nor the best. It was simply opinionated when that was said [by whom?]. We will probably never know what the perfect
language is, but then again, why would you [lose the second
person] want to talk a way that your [lose the second person]
background does not come from.[lose the question--reword into a
statement that strengthens and advances your point--bring closure by telling me why your
thesis is important]
Differences in Language
Annotated Bibliography
Fix your citation format by finding the bibliographic information in the instructions on the readings page and reviewing the instructions on the annotated bibliography page.
Thesis Statement: Many people speak many different languages.
[vague thesis--besides, this is billed as your intro sentence, your thesis is the last
sentence of the intro paragraph--strengthen it considerably--what specifically can you
prove with that fact?]
1. Crystal, David. "The Prescriptive Tradition." The Cambridge
Encyclopedia of Language.
This essay was not extremely helpful to me but yet at the same time informed me of certain
things that I did not know before. [in what way, then, did you find
it of use?]
2. Naylor, Gloria. "The Meaning of a Word." New York Times, 1986.
This essay informed me of a lot of useful information that I can relate to through me [what, are you Irish?] high school years. [so,
how does it help your thesis?]
3. Roberts, Paul. "A Brief History of English." Understanding English.
This was a rather boring essay. I found it was too informational and did not have
different tones. It almost seems that the person who would read it to you would have
to be monotoned. [be that as it may, how was it helpful to your
thesis?]
4. Seymour, Dorothy Z. "Black Children, Black Speech."
This essay sounds like when I used to go to grade school. Nobody could hardly read,
and when they could, they just sort of made up there [their]
own words for the ones they could not figure out.[what's that have
to do with the article? how was it helpful to your thesis?]
Revision. Grade: C-
Many people speak many different languages. I went to a
multi-cultural high school where there were many different languages spoken. If it
was someone's first year in that school, they walked around as if they were in a different
country because they had no idea who was saying what. Even the English language
sounded like a foreign language to an outside person walking trough the school. I
went to Riverview Gardens Senior High School, where the race was 85% Black, 7% White, 5%
Hispanic, and 3% Asian. Because the school was located on the border of the city, a
majority of the language spoken in school was what most people call "ebonics"
today. Some people refer to this
language as slang, but it originally comes from Black English, therefore how can they
refer it as slang. The word "ebonics" means "black sound" from
ebony and phonics. Everyone sounds different to one person, therefore we must
broaden or horizons and learn about the people who are different from us.
People tend to place others in categories of color or race. All
different cultures speak differently because of where they are originated
from. For example, Black people tend to slur their words together. Is it
because of where they came from, or because of the way they were educated as they were
brought up. Some people believe that because most Black people in the United States
originated from Africa, they have their own certain accent. If someone ever heard a
true African today, one of the peculiar things that they would notice os that he sounds
nothing like an African-American. So now comes the question, "Where so Black
people get the language that they speak now?" The true answer to that question
has not yet been discovered, but is in the process of being answered. From my
experience, most of the Black people I know got their language form growing up in the
city, but most people who live in the city speak mainly the same. Some of them
cannot even afford to go to school and are never taught the proper way to communicate.
It is not just Black people who speak in a non-professional way. Many other
people do it, too, White and Hispanic people are known for using the ghetto terms also.
Some people believe that certain people learn how to speak more on the streets and
at home, then in school.
Teachers sometimes make the situation worse with their attitudes
toward Black English. Typically, they view the children's speech
as "bad English" characterized by "lazy pronunciation," "poor
grammar," and "short, jagged words." One result of this attitude
is poor mental health on the part of the pupils. A child is quick to
grasp the feeling that while school speech is "good," his own speech
is "bad," and that by extension he himself is somehow inadequate
and without value. Some children react to this feeling by withdrawing;
they stop talking entirely. Others develop the attitude to the dropout
route. (Seymour 1,2)
One person is responsible for that one person's mind. If a teacher is making someone
feel as though they have low or no self-esteem at all, it is all up to them to tell
themselves that they are better than what the teacher is telling them. A lot of
times, it is easier said than done, but that may relate to discipline at home. Many
people judge a person by his or her background before even getting a chance to here them.
No understanding of the English language can be very satisfactory
without a notion of the history of the language. But we shall have
to make do with just notation. The history of English is long and
complicated, and we can only hit the high spots. The history of our
language begins a little after 600 A.D. Everything before that is
pre-history, which means we can guess at it but can't prove much.
For a thousand years or so before the birth of Christ, our linguistic
ancestors were savages wandering through the forests on northern
Europe. Their language was a part of the German branch of the
Indo-European Family. (Roberts 1)
Certain cultures are able to sat things around one another that a person from a different
culture would not be able to say in their presence. For example, a Black person can
call another Black person a "nigger," but when a person from a different culture
calls a Black person a "nigger," it is considered racial and will most likely
offend the Black person.
I don't agree with the argument that use of the word nigger
at a social stratum of the black community was an internal-
ization of racism. The dynamics were the exact opposite: the
people in my grandmother's living room took a word whites
used to signify worthlessness or degradation and rendered it
impotent. Gathering there together, they transformed nigger
to signify the varied and complex human beings they knew
themselves to be. If the word was to disappear totally from the
mouths of even the most liberal of white society, no one in that
room was naive enough to believe it would disappear from
white minds. Meeting the word head-on, they proved it had
absolutely nothing to do with the way they were determined to
live their lives. (Naylor 3)
Many White people walk around and think that the English language is the best and the only
language spoken throughout the United States. It may be the most commonly learned
language spoken, but is not the only language, nor the best. We will probably never
know what the perfect language is, but then again, why would anyone want to speak a way
that their background does not come from.
Differences in Language
Annotated Bibliography
1. Crystal, David. "The Prescriptive Tradition." The
Cambridge Encyclopedia of Language.
This essay informed me about different types of language. I did not use any quotes
out of the essay, but it still gave me useful information.
2. Naylor, Gloria. "The Meaning of a Word." New York Times, 1986.
This article informed me about how many people actually use the word "nigger".
3. Roberts, Paul. "A Brief History of English." Understanding
English.
This was a very informative piece of writing that was loaded with information on language.
4. Seymour, Dorothy Z. "Black Children, Black Speech."
This essay informed me about how black people learn the language that they seak.
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