BLACK LANGUAGE/ WHITE LANGUAGE
Frederick Leonard
True [lose the 'true'--it's too colloquial] it is no secret that the language used or the ways that the African[insert a hyphen]American community communicated with each other was totally different from the way that the White community communicated. Both had two totally different types of speaking which had in itself its own definition and meaning of the words that they used. Even though there was a huge gap in the language usage between the black and white communities, there is one universal language that both the black and white communities use when it comes down to being professional in today’s business world. [thesis? what is it you intend to prove here?]
Many black communities have their own ways of communicating through the words that have become a part of their backgrounds because of the usage and availability [of what?] to their ancestors. Not so long ago, many blacks did not have the luxury or the privilege to use words in their correct form, meaning and pronunciation. Many did not know how to read so [lose either the coordinating conjunction or the adverbial conjunction, and use proper punctuation depending on which one you decide to keep--commas precede coordinating conjunctions, semicolons, adverbial conjunctions] therefor[e] it was very difficult for them to use proper English. It was not hard at all for the children to pick up on the bad habits [clarify what you mean by 'bad habits'--are you arguing the prescriptive point of view?] of using the wrong type of language as quoted [stengthen this introduction of the quote], "These children speak Black English, a dialect characteristic of many inner-city Negroes"(Seymour #122) [parenthetical citation form is (Seymour 122)--there's nothing between the author and the date]. Even though this language was excepted [accepted] in the black community, once black children were brought into the atmosphere of real teaching by educated teachers, many of which [whom, not which] were white, it was not easy for the children to make such a drastic change from what they thought was right to the correct version and way of saying the same words and phrases [why not? what stood in their way?]. Many teachers however did not make the transition any better as also quoted[stengthen this introduction of the quote], "Teachers sometimes make the situation worse with their attitudes towards Black English. Typically, they view the children’s speech as " bad English" [whenever you have quotation marks inside of someone's quote, replace them with apostrophes, like ...'bad English'...'lazy pronunciation'...etc.] characterized by " lazy pronunciation," "poor grammar," and "short, jagged words"(Seymour#123)[parenthetical citation form is (Seymour 123)--there's nothing between the author and the date]. This kind of stereo typing [one word] and bad attitudes did not help condense [condense?--find a more appropriate word] the bridge between the two [insert a comma] but widened the gap between the two languages. [why is that? why would integration have done more to widen the gap than it would have to close it?]
One of the great barriers that really widened the gap between the black and white language was that the white community had excess [access] to literature that broadened their [its, not their--you're using community in the sense of a single unit, not a collective] intellect and allowed them [it, not them] to use words in the correct form instead of substituting letters and sounds as the black community did [clarify what you mean by 'correct form'--in what way is the language of the white community more correct than the language of the black community--you might do that in your introduction]. As quoted[stengthen this introduction of the quote--you need a smooth transition, not an abrupt one], " No understanding of the English can be very satisfactory without a notion of the history of the language"(Roberts#89)[parenthetical citation form is (Roberts 89)--there's nothing between the author and the date]. This quote from Roberts helps explaine [spelling] why the black community were [was, not were] comfortable and used to their way of speaking [eh? how so? this quote explains nothing of the sort--clarify that]. But [lose the coordinating conjunction, capitalize the adverbial conjunction] on the other hand[insert a comma] the white community had more background information on where their language was adopted from and also how to take different approaches, [awkward syntax, reword this first part of the sentence] as quoted[stengthen this introduction of the quote--you need a smooth transition, not an abrupt one], " All the main European languages have been studied prescriptively, especially in the 18th century approach to the writing of grammars and dictionaries. The authoritarian nature of the approach is best characterized by its reliance on "rules" of grammar"(Crystal#101) [ditto on the citation]. This quite [spelling] from Crystal shows that the English language was used in the correct way and also taught in the correct way because it was available to the white communities before it was available to the black community [how so? don't take the quote out of context--the English language never had an academy like the other European languages--therefore, the prescriptivist nature of the language might be suspect--develop what you mean here--other cultures have immigrated to the U.S. and learned the correct rules of English usage within a few generations, while the black culture has lived here for 20 generations and has not yet adapted--what does that mean?]. One may ask the question of if the black communities had the availability of the correct version of the English language and also had the same opportunities of being taught the correct way of pronouncing, reading, and using English then would there still be a gap between the two [awkward syntax--reword and clarify]. I would have to reply that there would probably not be such a gap between the two because we have the examples of today’s business world to answer that question for us. [then what has fifty years of public school integration been able to accomplish? or not been able to accomplish? develop this]
If you notice that in today’s business world there is a standard that have to be met on both half’s [sides, not half's] to communicate business properly and affectively [spelling].[careful--this standard is already met on the side of the whites, isn't it? even a southern white has an easier time of speaking professionally than a southern black--what effect does the balance of power in the favor of whites have on this issue?] In today’s time the black communities that are still using simple words and phrases [in what way is black speech simpler than white speech?] to express themselves at home have to use the correct version of English in order to be succesfull in today’s business world. This also goes for the white communities that are used to simple phrases and expressions. [develop this idea of simplicity--do you mean regional dialect? Is it more appropriate to say at a job interview "My wife and I live in a nice apartment in the upper East Side with our four children," than it is to say, "My beeoch an' me lib at da crib in da lower part ah da hood wid our fo' chirren" in black dialect, or "Me and the missus with our four children live out yonder in South County"? and why is that?]
In conclusion, although there is a gap between the white communities and the black communities concerning the language and different types of English that is used there is still a mesh in between two [eh? clarify this idea of 'mesh'--didn't you just say they were distinctively different?] and both have to come together to communicate. The formal way of communicating which to many is understood as correct English is truly a universal language that reaches far past all kinds and types of communities and backgrounds and is clearly understood by everyone [clarify this idea--you mean that modern standard is the standard because it is universally understood, and dialects are dialects because they deviate from that standard in terms of intelligibility? interesting point--develop it here, and the impact that idea has on society]. This simple[didn't you just state earlier that the modern standard is not simple, but those who speak dialects are speaking a simple variant of the language?] but correct language [set this apart with commas] is powerful enough to bridge any and all gaps no matter how long it was misused or misunderstood. [eh? clarify this--it doesn't quite make the sense you intend for it to make]
Annotated Bibliography? I need that.