The English Language
Dan Kary
Dan, you have a good start here, but it's got quite a few bugs--most noticeably, you're lacking a strong central thesis--you tell me everything you're going to talk about and don't make a point concerning it. Out of all the ideas you have in here, what is the one thing they can all rally around? Do you want to prove that change is good for any language, that dialects should not be considered English, that change should be stopped, that people who speak dialects are less likely to be taken seriously by a prescriptivist society--and this is a good or a bad thing? Make sure that all of your paragraphs conclude with a sentence that tells me how each associated idea is important to the thesis. Also, make sure that when you use information you have taken from any of those four sources, you actually use the parenthetical citation method to give credit where it is due. Don't be afraid to quote directly, but even if you don't directly quote, you still have to cite the source. Follow my comments here in your revision, but as you work through them, develop your thoughts beyond the comments I've given you.
The English Language The English language [you've
repeated yourself here] has become a major language across the world. The history
of the language dates back centuries ago and is very long and complicated [part of the reason for an intro paragraph is for you to give me a
background on it that simplifies the subject for the reader]. The English language
also has rules to it, to [that were composed in order to, not ',
to'] keep the purity of the language. Keeping the purity is called prescriptivism.
But the language has been played with throughout history, such as people making words bad
and changing the way the English language is spoken. In this essay I will focus on the
history, [comma splice--clean up this thesis statement--don't
subordinate it to your associated ideas--find a central point that those associated ideas
can support--reword these two parts of this idea into a one sentence thesis that these
associated ideas can support] I will talk about prescriptivism and how the
English language is being used differently in our society. The Standard English
language as we call it, over time [insert a comma] has been
formed into many other types of English languages. [you might
actually move that last sentence to just before the thesis]
The history of the English language dates back to 600 A.D., which is how far back evidence
is found. The first people who started the movement of the English language was [were] the Anglo-Saxons. The Saxons [Saxons
or Anglo-Saxons--there's a difference] got the language from the northern coast of
Europe. The Anglo-Saxons wondered [spelling] into the Roman
Empire learning new words in the English language. [eh?
clarify--the Romans were speaking Latin, not English] Not to [too]
much was known about the Anglo-Saxons arriving in England, but by 550 A.D. or
so [insert a comma] the Saxons were established in
England with the English language. The English history [history of
the English language, you mean] is divided into three parts, Old English, Middle
English, and Early Modern English. After 600 A.D. [insert a comma]
in Old English time, a famous king by the name of Alfred the Great had a major impact in
the English language converting Latin into English. [converting
Latin, or the Latin grammar?] From Old English to Modern English, there is a
difference of orthography. For Example, the letters /th/ in Modern English are represented
by /p/ or/d/ in the Old English. Other differences are that Old English had more endings
to nouns, verbs, pronouns, etc... [never use 'etc.', it sets up an
incomplete list] The vocabulary from Old to Modern English is also different. In
Old English most words are [were] original [clarify this--you mean by 'original' "authentic German"?] but
compared to Modern, we use many borrowed words.
In between the years 1000 and 1200 Old English changed to Middle English.
This happened as a result of a political event called [the]
Norman Conquest. After the Conquest, the English language changed in many ways. The big
influence was the French language. Thousands of French words came into the English
language, [which started? or and also] also changes in
the vocabulary started. Middle English [was a period during which
the most dramatic changes had occurred, you mean] had the most dramatic changes in
the English language. It was a lot easier than Old English. The sound system and grammar
were probably the greatest changes. A couple [of] hundred
years later the Early Modern English started up. Changes in the language from Middle to
Early Modern were sound changes, making two syllable words into one. Another major change
was called "The Great Vowel Shift". The Great Vowel Shift made words the way
they are pronounced today, by changing the sound of two vowels when they are put together.
[for example] These were the basic changes to Early Modern
English. [redundant sentence] Recent developments have
changed the way English is learned and used properly. The dictionary [whose
dictionary, and why?] was one of the biggest changes. English grammar came around [came around? it took that long? or do you mean the concept of
standardizing it? clarify--] the eighteenth century, and was taught in schools. The
English language gradually spread over the world and is the most common language.
In Modern day English, the rules to the language and its purity is [subject/verb
disagreement--the rules/is] being preserved. The rules of English are the legacy of
the prescriptive tradition. Prescriptivism is a communities
[make this possessive] view that their language is the best and should be used
throughout the community. This would change grammar and vocabulary. The
prescriptivists are trying to change everything and [are] not
thinking about the historical tradition [whoa! hold on
there--you're confusing prescriptivism with descriptivism, which doesn't really do that
either--reread the section on prescriptivist philosophy--they're the ones who want to
preserve the older forms of grammar, NOT the ones who want to introduce new ones]. [Those who, not Ones] Ones who disagree with the prescriptivists, [lose the comma, replace it with 'are'] called descriptivist's
approach is [this is already an awkward sentence--clarify it]
needed for the competing claims of [before? clarify--competing
claims--break this sentence into two sentences and make sure both make sense] different
standards can be reconciled. The prescriptivist's approach to this problem focuses
primarily on the linguistic values which forms [that form, not which
forms] the view of social structure [how so?]. Because
of the language problems, countries started forming academies to preserve their language.
Countries such as Italy, Sweden, and England formed these academies and had dictionaries
made. In 1712, a man named Jonathon Swift wanted to form an academy of his own to correct
and improve the way people spoke English. He says [writes, not says]
the English language is not spoken or used correctly. He says [writes,
not says]people who are supposed to be making the language better is [subject/verb disagreement--people/is] just causing more problems.
So he thinks his academy with [will, not with--you might want to use
past tense throughout here--Swift's been dead a long time, and it's not like your doing a
literary analysis where the present tense would be required] fix the language
forever. But nothing happened, and people began realizing that these academies were not
doing any good [clarify--when you say nothing happened, you mean, no
academy was formed, but one was formed and it couldn't stop the language from changing?].
Another linguistic issue is the language change. When a language changes its rules [insert a comma] people
thought the language was disappearing [clarify your tense, you have
both past tense and present tense in here--choose one and stick with it--preferably past
tense]. But the language changes because society changes
[here, since it is an ongoing thing, you are correct in using present tense--lose the
conjunction, though, at the start of the sentence]. When [a]
language changes to[o] fast communication problems occur. You
[lose the second person here] cannot even predict when the
language will change. [link these two sentences with a comma] But
if the language does not die out because of its status in society, other cultures will
take over that language in some way.
Now moving towards present day English, a major issue in today's English is Black English.
Black English is the way children speak in their own way with poor grammar, using short
words, and just being plain lazy pronouncing words. [careful--does
Seymour admit that Black English is lazy English, or that it is a grammatically correct
language system that is different from White English?] There is one belief [whose?] that this is caused by poor mental health [of an entire race?]. The problem mostly occurs in the African
American communities. The children's parents explain it as not being a sloppy language,
but a dialect with its own form of the language. Educators begin to believe that
Black English is neither good [n]or bad and is far from being
a careless way of speech. The sounds of Black English is [subject/verb
disagreement--sounds/is] nothing like the way it is spelled. One example is the
spelling of /th/ in a word can sound like a /d/, /t/, /f/, and even /v/. Some other
characteristics of the language is [subject/verb
disagreement--characteristics/is] that words appear to leave off a consonant sound
at the end and has [subject/verb disagreement--words/has] the
tendency to not use sequences of more than one find [final?] consonant
sounds [pronoun/succedent disagreement--one/sounds] such as
"just" is pronounced "jus". The structure of Black English is
different also. Black English users use a different tense of a verb. The word
"be" is popular to the language to distinguish what someone is doing [distinguish it from what? clarify your meaning on the habitual
tense here]. An example would be, " He be running".
[put your period inside the quotation marks--what does this example mean?] The
language is believed to originate in Africa. From an African Linguist's [lose the capital 'L'] point of view [who?],
the Standard English language has many problems, [which include] mainly
sound structure. Black English is really not a sloppy language or a lazy way to talk. [why is that idea important to the thesis?]
A short story titled [entitled, not titled] " The
Meaning of the Word ", [put the comma inside of the quotation
marks] talks about a African American [hyphenate these two
words] child who hears the word "nigger" for the first time and it was
directed to him. [actually, this is a woman who has written this
essay, not a man] He does not know what the word means but senses its not something
good. In present day English there have been words made to be "bad words". [put your period inside the quotation marks] Words that humiliate
people [insert a comma] like "nigger[insert a comma]" have been formed by [whose?]ancestors
putting down other cultures. [develop this idea more--what is
the author in here trying to prove that you can use to link back to your thesis? how
does this associated idea support your thesis?]
In conclusion, I feel the English language is not really its own kind of language. There
are many "languages" formed from the English language, just by different
cultures [use an apostrophe here to show possession] use of
it. The English language has dramatically changed throughout history and will probably
have many more changes to come.[good, but develop this conclusion to
show me the impact this issue of change has on society--bring closure to the paragraph by
telling me why the thesis itself is important]
Bibliography
The English Language
Thesis Statement: The Standard English language, as we call it, over time
has been formed into many other types of English.
1. Crystal, David. "The Prescriptive Tradition" [finish
the bibliographic information]
This essay is about how the English language was being preserved by different countries to
keep the languages purity and not letting other countries change the language. [awkward syntax in this sentence--reword]
2. Naylor, Gloria. "The Meaning of the Word"[finish the
bibliographic information]
This little article is about a young black child who gets called a "nigger", [put the comma inside the quotes--change the gender of the child] but
he doesn't know what the word means, or that its [it, not its] was
intended to hurt him [actually, she senses that it is intended for
that]. The harsh word was made from ancestors [whose?] and
how they treated the Black's.[this word isn't possessive]
3. Roberts, Paul. "A Brief History of English"[finish the
bibliographic information]
This essay is about the beginning of the English language and how the English language is
divided into three parts, Old, Middle, and Early Modern. Throughout these times [insert a comma] the language changed tremendously,
4. Seymour, Dorothy. "Black Children, Black Speech"[finish
the bibliographic information]
This article talks about how children, especially African American
[children? insert a hyphen], use the English language in their own way. Which [fragment--connect this sentence to the previous one without making a
comma splice, or turn 'which' into 'this'] is believed to be "sloppy
English", [put the comma inside the quotes] but is
really just a different form of the language.
REVISION: [Not Microedited] Grade: B
The English Language
The Standard English language as we call it, over time has been formed
into many other types of English languages. The English language has become a major
language across the world. The English language also has rules to it that were
composed in order to keep the purity of the language. Keeping the purity is called
prescriptivism. But the language has been played with throughout history, such as people
making words bad and changing the way the English language is spoken. Problems also
occurred when African-Americans spoke English, non blacks would discriminate calling the
way they spoke and the way children spoke was sloppy English. In this essay, some of the
subjects I will be covering are English history, prescriptivism, and the grammar of
today's scoiety [this is no better than what you had before--you've
still included in your intro a list of your associated ideas]. [The] English language [insert a comma]
as you will read, affects different people in different ways and can make huge impacts on
an individual's life.
The history of the English language dates back to 600 A.D., which is how far back evidence
is found. The first people who started the movement of the English language were the
Anglo-Saxons. The Anglo-Saxons got the language from the northern coast of Europe. The
Anglo-Saxons traveled into the Roman Empire learning new English words from the Latin
speaking Romans. Not too much was known about the Anglo-Saxons arriving in England,
but by 550 A.D. or so, the Saxons were established in England with the English language.
The history of English, is divided into three parts, Old English, Middle English, and
Early Modern English. After 600 A.D., in Old English time, a famous king by the name of
Alfred the Great had a major impact in the English language converting the Latin language
into English. From Old English to Modern English, there is a difference of orthography.
For Example, the letters /th/ in Modern English arerepresented by /p/ or/d/ in the Old
English. Other differences are that Old English had more endings to nouns, verbs, and
pronouns. The vocabulary from Old to Modern English is also different. In Old English most
words were originally German but compared to Modern, we use many borrowed words.
In between the years 1000 and 1200 Old English changed to Middle English. This happened as
a result of a political event called Norman Conquest. After the Conquest, the
Englishlanguage changed in many ways. The big influence was the French language. Thousands
of French words came into the English language, which started changes in the vocabulary.
Middle English was a period during which the most dramatic changes had occured.. It was a
lot easier than Old English. The sound system and grammar were probably the greatest
changes. A couple hundred years later the Early Modern English started up. Changes in the
language from Middle to Early Modern were sound changes, making two syllable words into
one. Another major change was called "The Great Vowel Shift". The Great Vowel
Shift made words the way they are pronouncedtoday, by changing the sound of two vowels
when they are put together. Recent developments have changed the way English is learned
and used properly. The dictionary was one of the biggest changes. The of English grammar
started to be taught in schools during the eighteenth century. The English language
gradually spread over the world and is the most common language used today.
In Early Modern day English, the rules and its purity are being preserved. The rules of
English are the legacy of the prescriptive tradition. Prescriptivism is a community's view
that their language is the best and should be used throughout the community. This would
change grammar and vocabulary. Those who disagree with the prescriptivists are called
descriptivist's, and their approach is needed so that different standards can be
reconciled. The prescriptivist's approach to this problem focuses primarily on the
linguistic values that form the view of social structure. Because of the language
problems, countries started forming academies to preserve their language. Countries such
as Italy, Sweden, and England formed these academies and had dictionaries made. In 1712, a
man named Jonathon Swift wanted to form an academy of his own to correct and improve the
way people spoke English. He writes, the English language is not spoken or used correctly.
He says people who are supposed to be making the language better are just causing more
problems. So he thinks his academy would fix the language forever
[source?]. But no academy was formed, and people began realizing that these
academies were not doing any good. Another linguistic issue is the language
change. When a language changes its rules, people thought the language would
disappear. The language changes because society changes. When a language changes too fast
communication problems occur. A person could not even predict when the language will
change. But if the language does not die out because of its status in society, other
cultures will take over that language in some way.
Now moving towards present day English, a major issue in today's English is Black English.
A white persons description of Black English, is the way children speak in their own way
with poor grammar, using short words, and just being plain lazy pronouncing words. The
problem mostly occurs in the African American communities. The children's parents explain
it as not being a sloppy language, but a dialect with its own form of the language.
Educators begin to believe that Black English is neither good nor bad and is far from
being a careless way of speech. The sounds of Black English are nothing like the way it is
spelled. One example is the spelling of /th/ in a word can sound like a /d/, /t/, /f/, and
even /v/. Some other characteristics of the language are that words appear to leave off a
consonant sound at the end and have the tendency to not use sequences of more than one
final consonant sound such as "just" is pronounced "jus". The
structure of Black English is different also. Black English users use a different tense of
a verb. The word "be" is popular to the language to explain what someone is
doing. An example would be, " He be running." The word "be" in
the sentence means "is." [careful--it's habitual tense,
which means what?] The language is believed to originate in Africa. From an
African-American's point of view, the Standard English language has many problems, witch
include mainly sound structure.
A short story entitled " The Meaning of the Word ," talks about a
African-American child who hears the word "nigger" for the first time and it was
directed to her. She does not know what the word means but senses its not something good.
In present day English there have been words made to be "bad words." Words that
humiliate people, like "nigger," have been formed by ancestors of all ethnic
groups insulting other cultures that they look down upon. [integrate
this example--don't just throw it in]
In conclusion, I feel the English language is not really its own kind of language. There
are many "languages" formed from the English language, just by different
culture's use of it. The English language has dramatically changed throughout history and
will probably have many more changes. A major problem with today's English, is that
society has taught children bad English and they use it to insult other children. [that's it? the end-all and be-all of language is to insult others?
why else is your thesis important?]
Annotated Bibliography
The English Language
This bibliographical information is still
incorrectly done. Moreover, few of my corrections in the previous bib above were
taken into account. To find the proper citation format, look on the
"Instructions to the Readings" page, accessible through the tutorial's start
page. All of them came from a particular anthology. I need the information of
exactly where you read the source.
Thesis Statement: The Standard English language, as we call it, over time has been formed
into other types of the English language, and in today's society people abuse the language
by using it in a way of humiliating another individual. [other
individuals, not another individual]
1. Crystal, David. "The Prescriptive Tradition". The Cambridge Encyclopedia of
Language: 102-106.
This article is about how the English language was being preserved by different countries
to keep the language[insert an apostrophe]s purity and rules,
not letting other countries change the language.
2. Naylor, Gloria. "The Meaning of the Word". New York Times 1986: 305-307.
This essay is about a young black child who gets called a "nigger", [put the comma inside the quotes] but he
[Gloria is a female name, not a male one] doesn't [lose the
contraction] know what the word means, or that its [lose the
s] was intended to hurt him. The harsh word was made from ancestors [whose?] and how they treated the Black's
[lose the apostrophe].
3. Roberts, Paul. Understanding English. "A Brief History of English": 89-98.
The book is about the beginning of the English language and how the English language is
divided into three parts, Old, Middle, and Early Modern. Throughout these times the
language changed tremendously,
4. Seymour, Dorothy. "Black Children, Black Speech": 122-128.
This article talks about how children, especially African [insert a
hyphen] American [children], use the English language
in their own way. Which [this, not which] is believed to be
"sloppy English", [put the comma inside the quotes]
but is really just a different form of the language.